Many of the iPhone (News - Alert) and iPod Touch applications we’ve reviewed on these pages – offering chess, Shakespeare’s plays, the history of fine art and even some Facebook capability – serve, for the most part, to eat up time during the day.

 

They’re all noble pursuits – the bard, the ancient game, masterpieces of oil on canvas and even keeping up with your friends’ daily activities – but how often does an iPhone or iPod Touch user actually need one of those applications?

 

Let’s keep this build-up going even longer: How often do you say to yourself, moments after a confrontation or some verbal spat, “I wish I had said that!”?

 

Well, now you can say that – and more.

 

With “Mud Slinger (The Unspeakably Foul Insult Generator)” – users can, at the touch of a touch screen button – reach for that elusive expletive in the heat of the moment.

 

Here are the first five insults (this is name-calling, really, but creative name-calling) that come up when I press “Sling” on the app:

 

Not bad. Clearly, the folks at 5 Elements Entertainment who came up with this little gem of an app have a good handle on English syntax. The first word, an adjective, generally is a participle, which lends itself to active description. The second word is a noun of questionable taste, and the third is also a noun, often a gerund.

 

Here’s what the company says about its mischievous little project: “With Mud Slinger, you have over a million possible insults at your fingertips. Just press the ‘Sling’ button and get a randomly generated Mud Sling at your friends.”

 

Or enemies.

 

Let’s press the button three more times:

 

That’s two uses of “penetrator” in seven tries, which might make us suspicious of the app. Thankfully, when we press “Sling” again, we arrive at:

 

Each time the button is pressed, this iPod Touch emits a rather disgusting, squishy sound.

 

There is also a “save” function, through a camera icon on the app, which allows users to take a snapshot of a particularly fun insult, which is then saved in the device’s photo album and can then be sent to “friends” (or enemies, whose e-mail addresses or cell phone numbers you may happen to have handy).

 

Not surprisingly, users of the app are putting it to good use.

 

Just this week, one reviewer at the iTunes App Store, said: “This is one of those magical apps that will make your stomach and cheeks hurt from laughing. I’m trying to work but keep finding myself hurling mud at invisible foes.”

 

That sounds familiar.

 

In fact, I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that what drove me to review this app, in particular, is that I’m having a bad week. We all have them. Mine began with a rather discourteous communication from an industry colleague.

 

Had I known about “Mud Slinger” at the time, I might have just reached for this iPod Touch, pressed the button and come up with a good zinger for this individual (ah, there it is):

 

Thank you, Apple (News - Alert). You’ve made my day.